Traditionally, for a man and woman to live together, have children, and commingle assets, they must get married.  Marriage has been not only a legal institution, but also a religious one.  Today, many women are financially independent and couples decide that they don’t want to have children.  The church doesn’t govern quite the way it used to; what was a sin in the past is barely even noticed today.  Take divorce for example, over the decades the divorce rate has increased drastically, likely due to the loosening of the stigma associated with it.  These societal changes in regards to marriage and cohabitation begs the question, do most of us really need marriage anymore?

The fairytale reads like this:

A young couple falls in love and decides that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.  The man heads to the local jewelry store, selects the perfect diamond engagement ring, and surprises his bride-to-be with a proposal over dinner.  She buys a white gown and some flowers, they seal the ceremony with a kiss, and after a champagne toast head out on a honeymoon cruise.  Upon return, the newlyweds buy a house, then a dog, and then have children…

The white picket fence version of the marriage story doesn’t leave room for the couple that has already been married and had children, the couple working through law school, or the business woman who can’t take time off work for a cruise.  As the years pass, more and more couples are not living this fairytale, nor do they desire to.

There is a lot of fear and apprehension behind a marriage proposal these days, likely stemming from the high divorce rate.  I know from experience that many couples date for years, even move in together, but don’t consider marriage because they worry that as soon as the relationship becomes legal everything will change.  In the past it was the men, who feared commitment, but women have become very independent, and they also are apprehensive to relinquish their freedom.  Commingling finances is also not as common as it used to be; with more women in the workforce, couples are opting for separate checking accounts and splitting expenses.

It is not just fear of commitment that prevents couples from getting married.  In Hollywood, where marriages commence and end with the changing of the wind, celebrities like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are making lasting commitments to each other and starting families without tying the knot.  For some modern couples, marriage isn’t something to fear, it’s just not necessary.

The modern approach to relationships may not be for everyone; just because Angelina and Brad don’t see a legal union as a priority, doesn’t mean that others don’t.  Marriage is a very spiritual ceremony for many religions, and some brides and grooms make their relationship official because of these reasons.  It is easier to raise children when you are married and have both parents on the birth certificate, with the same last name.  Marriage also tells the world, and your partner that you are (at least for the time being) one hundred percent committed to your relationship.

Either way, whether marriage is important to you, or not, it is an individual choice, and just because you choose to forego the legal route doesn’t mean you can’t verbally commit to each other.  You could even exchange wedding rings! Do what is best for your relationship; in the past there was a lot of pressure to tie the knot, today we are freer to write our own version of life’s fairytale.